{ Motherless Daughters } uniting those experiencing motherloss

Our Stories

Linda's Story
Losing My Mom, My Guidance

At 27, I experienced one of the worst tragedies a person could. I lost my Mother, Anna. It was a shocking loss. She died of a brain aneurysm. It was and has been devastating. I am the youngest of three children. On February 26, 1996, I awoke to screams in the downstairs bathroom from my stepfather. I ran down the stairs to find him holding my Mother unconscious on the bathroom floor. I called my sister, Maria, who lived down the street and is a Registered Nurse and then I called 911. It was the most surreal experience of my life. But I knew she was gone the moment I saw her on that bathroom floor. My world slowly fell apart.

My Mother was an incredible person; she had suffered from mental illnesses, eating disorders and many demons in her mind that tormented her soul. After her death, many of these truths came to light. My Mom was forced into a marriage with my Dad at age 15 and came to the U.S. at 16. She had my siblings and I respectively. Her first language being Spanish, she worked in many factories until we were old enough to go to school. She then obtained her GED and proceeded to obtain a full scholarship to college and graduated with honors when I was 14 years old. She was an amazing person and throughout my life she inspired me greatly.

My Mom achieved great success in her life becoming an upper middle class citizen and owning several homes while working with the Social Security Administration. In the end, she died without a will and a stepfather I knew from age 7 and called Dad inherited all of her hard work. Sadly, I lost my family the day my Mom passes away, not just her. My stepfather became greedy. It's amazing what money will do to someone and soon thereafter began an affair with a woman who became pregnant. He refused to be fair about the property and believed that everything should go to him. I was forced to move out of my home and begin a probate battle. I was the Executrix of her estate and the burden to try to resolve financial bills was a heavy one. Both my brother and sister felt it was my "duty" to resolve these issues and I became resentful of them over time. In the meantime, I was planning my wedding and I was very bitter and angry. Planning such an event without my Mom just emphasized her death. Due to all of this stress, my marriage only lasted 1 year--another loss to bear. Six years later, I still do not speak to my stepfather and he lives in the home he shared with my Mother and me, remarried with a 5-year-old son.

It's sad to know that she will never see my children, never be able to be my friend. She inspired me so, but yet I know that she was very unhappy here on earth. Shortly after her death I found a suicide note. Although, I know she did not committ suicide, it seems that God had shown her mercy and had taken her as she so desperately wanted. It made me angry and it made me so very sad and bitter. Now, at age 33, I have progressed. I am in the process of getting re-married to an amazing man who adores me and is so incredibly patient with me, own my own home and have excelled at work. My brother and sister and I have a true sense of loyalty and family to one another. My success I truly owe to my Mom for the foundation she provided.

I still hurt. I still feel that void and emptiness without her. Holidays are difficult, Mother's Day is awful, her birthday heart wrenching, and the anniversary of her death unbelievable. When I see a commercial on the TV about Mothers, I feel a sharp pain. When I hear a co-worker call their Mom, it hurts. I miss her so very much.

There is no one to tell me it's going to be all right like she did. I can't touch her hand or smell her perfume, hear her laugh or even hear her yell. It scares me at times when I can't remember the sound of her voice.

For all of us who have lost a Mom, it seems only we understand the enormity of the loss. We have to hide from the world our everyday sorrow, the tragedy of the loss. Everyone seems to think that after a certain time period, one should be "over it." Well, I don't believe we ever get "over it." We just learn how to deal with it because we have to.

My faith has been my backbone. My nieces and nephews laughter giving me hope. I pray if I have a child I can be as wonderful a mother as she was to me.

For now I have to accept this loss and be thankful for all my blessings in life; always knowing that when my time comes, my beloved Mother will greet me with a smile.

Š Linda Vega

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