{ Motherless Daughters } uniting those experiencing motherloss

Our Stories

Jessica's Story

It was a Thursday morning, in late November 2002, and I was sleeping in since it was my day off work and I was feeling the beginnings of a cold coming on. 7:30AM I heard the phone ring. It was my brother- 650 miles away at my Mom's house- he was frantic. "Why aren't you answering the phone? I have been calling you since 5AM?! Mom is in the hospital. She had a seizure..." he said. "Oh my god. What hospital? I'll be right there." I hung up and reserved the earliest flight out of San Diego that I could. My brothers girl friend picked me up at the airport in Sacramento, four hours later, and drove me to the Neuro-Trauma ICU where my brother was waiting bedside. Mom was in a coma. She was only 52 years old. Just turned 52. It was the first year in her whole life with me that I forgot her birthday. I will never live that down. Now, out of the blue, she was in a coma! The neuro surgeon told us later that day that she had a stroke. My brother, 25, was in shock as he found her in the bathroom at 4:45AM choking on her tongue and called 911. He just happened to be awake then because he was in pain from a dislocated shoulder. Subsequently, he had a hard time holding her up when she fell backwards into a coma.

We were in the ICU with her for a short time. (She was there for five days.) Her husband showed up two days after she arrived at the hospital. He claimed that he was going to take her off life support and take everyone off of the ICU waiting list. We had no reason not to believe him as he was bipolar and this erratic behavior was typical. He had an immense hatred for her family anyway.... no one knows why. So, I left the hospital and took my brother to the County to file a restraining order against him. Shortly thereafter, I found a lawyer to start a case and petition the court for a conservatorship, so I could save her life. Then, I went to her house to find any legal paperwork proving that her husband didn't currently live there, so I could take it to the ICU nurses to take his name off of my Mom's waiting list... preventing him from pulling the life support. All the while, my cold has progressed into a full flu... which prevented me from visiting my Mom. So, I focused on preserving her life.

To make matters worse, my brother's girlfriend decides to start feeling hurt and jealous that he is spending more time with his Mom and sister and less with her. These feelings turn to rage against me. What a mess this was! Not in my wildest dreams would I be dealing will so much in five days. (After surviving this time... I would be able to deal with anything. Childbirth was a piece of cake compared to this!)

Anyway, my Mom's life ended the morning after my birthday- the fifth day of her ICU stay- with many new strokes. Only once, she squeezed my hand, telling me that she knew I was there. I didn't get to say goodbye and hear her say it back. This was okay with me later, as I was able to spend 25 years of my life with her... most of which were just wonderful!

Although, the legal nightmare didn't end there. After she passed, I petitioned the court to grant me administratorship over her estate. (No way was I going to let her crazy husband sell all of her possessions.) The process took a year and a half to complete, during which time I had no space to mourn her death. Only now, after my marriage to my high school sweetheart and the birth of our daughter, am I able to grieve. Sadness envelops most of my days, especially since we now live back in our home town. Every other day I drive past her old house. What is worse, I occasionally see her husband around town. I still hate him. Sometimes I fantasize confronting him, unloading all of my pent up thoughts and feelings on him. Although, I know that this would just bring me down to his level and he wouldn't understand. (Hopefully he gambled away her life insurance and lost it.)

Š Jessica

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