{ Motherless Daughters } uniting those experiencing motherloss

Our Stories

Caroline's Story

I'm a native of Massachusetts USA, but living permanently in Finland. My mother's illness was diagnosed about 5 months after I left the nest and moved overseas. I heard about it a few weeks before I turned 25. The news was a crippling blow and caught us all off guard, as my mother had been making healthy lifestyle choices, and there was no history of breast cancer in the family. What followed was a 3 1/2 year ordeal of constantly jumping back and forth from hope to despair. The cancer metasticized in the form of a brain tumor requiring surgery, and we were faced with the very difficult decision of when to say "enough is enough" and refuse treatment. How much input should the family have over the patient's rights? Ultimately she continued treatment for as long as was possible. I saw her and my family for the first time since her diagnosis about 4 months after treatments began, and I was able to spend a total of about 9 months with her over the 3 1/2 year period. I used to worry constantly over what might happen without me being there. The 7-hour time difference between Finland and east-coast USA meant that mornings in Finland were ok because I knew it was midnight in the USA, so my parents would be sleeping and everything would be ok. But late afternoons and evenings in Finland were anxiety-provoking- if anything were to happen I would most likely hear about it then. And it was impossible to fully understand what was really going on over there just by talking with my family by phone. In late September 2003, I received news that she had become bedridden and slipped into a semi-comatose state. She came out of the coma long enough for me to fly back to Massachusetts and get a couple of days of communication with her before she passed away on October 4th, 2003. I returned to Finland exactly a month later and had to re-adjust to life abroad as a motherless daughter. I am still going through the re-adjustment, and it will likely be a lifelong journey.

My mother made it very clear that she did not want the experience to become our legacy, as a family, as mother and daughter. I am doing my best to honor that by concentrating on putting into practice everything she taught me about how fascinating life is. The importance of attention to details. The art of diplomacy and good communication. Appreciation of other cultures. Striving to do your best but learning to forgive yourself if you make a mistake or don't succeed. There are decisions to make, opinions to form, and goals to set. One of her favorite quotes is by Bolivian-born math teacher Jaime Escalante: "You can do it... you are the true dreamer."

Š Caroline Liebenow

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