{ Motherless Daughters } uniting those experiencing motherloss

Our Stories

Anne's Story

Louise Humphreys died at the age of 43, November 20th, 1991. She left behind her husband as well as her mother, 2 brothers and her 2 children, my then 13 year old brother and me, who was 8 at the time. I do not remember much of my mother, but what I do know is that she was the central person in the family. We lived in a duplex that my dad owned and my mom’s mother lived underneath us. We were a very close family and I remember everyone in my family, from my cousins to my father’s ciblings coming to see my mother to seek council and they would always find our door open. She teached me to appreciate my family and that nothing mattered more than that. She was a nurse but she devoted her life to her children and family. My father and her were very much in love, I must say that I had a fairytale childhood. In my eyes, everything was perfect. And honestly, it really was. But I know my mother had been trough alot. She had had many miscarriages. She even had a child die at birth, one year before my brother was born. For me, she had to lay in bed for the whole pregancy, the doctors didnt think that I could be born. But my mother sacrificed a lot and at the age of 35, she had me. As for my father, he went trough hell. In July 1990, his mother died, then on november 13th, 1991, his father died as well. The last memory I have of my mother living is her holding me as I am crying at my grand-pa’s funeral. On november 17th, I come home from school, where usually my mom would be waiting for me, to find my father instead, as well as my godmother, who is my mom’s best friend since they were kids. My father told me that Mommy is tired and needed to go rest at the hospital. I was to go live at my godmother’s while she was tired. I learned many years later that my mother had actally had a stroke hat same morning. She had gone done some groceries with her mother and 2 of my father’s sisters. As she was bringing bags down to my grand-mother’s she fell to the ground. One of my aunt had taken first aid classes and started CPR. She was sent to the hospital and was in coma. On November 20th, it was about 11 am, and I was called to the principals office. My father was there and I remember asking him, Is mommy out of the hospital? No honey, Mommy died. After that, I dont remember much, I have some images of the funeral in mind, I remember holding her hand and stroking her hair at the service, I can barely imagine what image that left in my family’s mind. I remember her casket at the church, and my little cousins running around at the burial. I know I didnt go to school for 2 weeks, and that all my classmates prepared cards for me. When I look back now, I can hardly imagine what my dad went trough. He was extremely close to his aprents and my mother was the love of his life, she was the first woman he ever loved. Followinf her death, he went into depression for about one year, life was not easy. I pretty much had to fend for myself. My brother didnt talk and would stay in the computer in his room and I had to step up. I would do the laundry, make my supper often, do all my homework on my own, and since my dad was working, I would come home and no one would be there. It was very hard. 13 months after my mom died, my dad started to date again.

This woman would become his wife. We all moved together in a new home and it wasnt easy. I was 11 when we moved all together. This woman was nothing like my mother. I do think she ment well and I do not believe that she is a evil women, but the hell she put me trough while we lived together was horrible. My father was not one to take my side, and we would fight every week ad my brother was older and didnt care much. anyways he was much calmer than me, I was much more of a free spirit. She accused me of doing heroin, because she found incence, a candle and a spoon in my drawers. She would go trough my room all the time. I could no have any friends ovr, ever, she would tell me I was stupid and that nothing of what I said was worth anything. She even told me at the age of 13, that I should take birth control pills because she taught since I was getting alot of calls from boys, that I must be sleeping with all of them. I was a tomboy, and all my friends were boys! As I got older, I found refuge in getting jobs and playing basket-ball. That would keep me out of the house. So during the summer I would work some 65-80 hours a week. And at that point, she was not working anymore, and as I would come home following a 14 hour day at work, she would force me to clean the house. I could only eat specific food in the house, till I went to college, she ould not allow me to make my ow lunch and would purposly put stuff in there that I didnt like. So I had to find food somewhere else. I remember one summer, I think I was 15, I had been invited into this basketball camp, where every weekend we would be in tournaments, outside of town, we would go to American universities (I’m from montreal), where local coaches would check us out, we would have 3-4 practices every week. And all it would cost was 300$. I was so excited, I though, perfect, I,ll be out of the house all summer, and theres no reason for them to say no. I was wrong, my step-mother said that they didnt have the money and that the answer was no. She spent the whole summer bitching at me to do something with my time and the worst thing is, she renovated the master bedroom. She would ask my opinion on her curtains, that cost 2000$, she told me. As soon as I turned 18, I moved out, and I remember how sad my father was, he almost begged me to stay. It broke my heart to leave him, but I had no choice. That was some 4 years ago and luckily, things are much better between my step mom and me. We get along fine, I put all of that behind, I still dont like her that much, but she is family.

As for my mother, I am on sick leave from work right now, I had never really dealt with her death, my father, my brother and I never really spoke abut her death, until a month ago. I had tried with my dad in the past, but he had closed the door, well more like rammed it in my face. i learned that he had told my step mom that she would always be number two, that he still went to her grave, that he missed her dearly and so did my brother. It was so liberating to find out that they hadnt forgotten her. I wasnt alone, and it was remarquable.

Thanks to the motherless daughters support group, as well as the book, I finally met women who lived the same thing as me. That felt the same things, I thought I was so alone and now I know that I am not alone, that these feelings are normal, that it is ok to not be over it. I know now that I will never be over it, I will have bad days, I will get panic stricken and feel pain in my chest, that utter most emptyness in my heart. It will happen again, but I will ahve good days as well. I will have joys, I will have my lif to live for as well. I know my mother would be proud of me, that I have been so strong and come out the way that I am today. Strong, independant and with a fearlessness, that whatever life throws my way, I an handle, because I’ve been trough this.

That is my story, adn there’s is still much to come. Thank you for the support and never lose faith in life, it is only what you make of it.

© Anne Humphreys

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